Building/ Changing Identity
James Clear in his book gives an example that stayed with me.
Imagine two people resisting a cigarette. When offered a smoke, the first person says, “No thanks. I’m trying to quit.” It sounds like a reasonable response, but this person still believes they are a smoker who is trying to be something else. They are hoping their behavior will change while carrying around the same beliefs.
The second person declines by saying, “No thanks. I’m not a smoker.” It’s a small difference, but this statement signals a shift in identity. Smoking was part of their former life, not their current one. They no longer identify as someone who smokes.
We have to mentally make a shift in our core belief and in our identity. We want to reduce weight and we go on a diet. We decide on what action we need to take without examining our beliefs regarding food and weight. Maybe we have a belief that being skinny is not a sign of good health. Then we will always wary of what we are eating. We will unconsciously not want our weight to go below a level. So, we need to change the way we look at ourselves. We need to change what limiting beliefs may be holding us back.
There are 3 levels at which change occurs.
The first layer is changing your outcomes. This level is concerned with changing your results like losing weight. Most of the goals we decide on are at this level of change.
The second layer is changing your process. This level is basically changing your habits like starting a diet or going to the gym.
The third and deepest layer is changing your identity. This level is concerned with changing your beliefs, your worldview, your self-image, your judgments about yourself and others. Most of the beliefs, assumptions, and biases you hold are associated with this level.
We all mostly focus on the outcomes. We are invested in what we want to achieve. And, the journey is arduous. If we focus on changing our identity, which is who we wish to become, the journey is easier. Instead of focusing on outcome-based habits we focus on identity-based habits. Instead of an outside in approach, we need to investigate what how and what we need to do for an inside out approach.
In the earlier part we met Meeta who was focused on the outcome – to do 15 min of exercise every morning. When she shifted her focus on her identity – to age gracefully. It became easier to see options.
Reflect on
1. Consider the change you want to introduce in your life. Through this change, who are you wanting to become?
2. What change in your identity will help bring about the change in behaviour?
3. Find a quiet place and time. Close your eyes and visualise what will the scenario be when the change happens. What are you seeing? What are you feeling?
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