Season 2 Episode 2 of this web series on Amazon Prime, tells the story of Adhira and Anik - two beautiful and successful people who have decided to get married. Gradually we come to know that Anik is physically abusing Adhira. Finally, Adhira decides to cancel the wedding. Her parents fully support her. And then… Anik comes to Adhira’s. To ask for forgiveness. She is determined not to open the door. After knocking and asking for forgiveness, for some time, Anik collapses. And starts sobbing. And professing his love for Adhira. And apologises. He has a total emotional meltdown. Adira is wondering if she is taking the right decision. Should she not marry the man who loves her so much? Should she not marry the man who is so devastated at not being able to marry her? Should she make him suffer so much? Can she not see what how shattered he is? And, after some time, Adhira opens the door and takes him in her arms. The wedding happens. The parents haplessly watch, knowing what is in store for their lovely daughter. The episode ends with these words
Why do women feel their love can change a man? That staying means they did not fail. Why don’t they would take their broken wings and fly. At least their wounds will heal. Even though the scars will remain. The body remembers, to make sure that the soul never forgets.
There are so many posts on Facebook on gaslighting. Gaslighting is manipulating (someone) using psychological methods into questioning their own sanity or powers of reasoning. So many women are in marriages where they are abused – physically, mentally or emotionally. And they are unable to leave. Not because they are not financially independent. Some of these women are not only well educated but also have high paying jobs. There is a denial somewhere. Is it because of their undying hope that things will be better? That their love will be victorious over all odds? Why do they take the responsibility? What will make them realise that it is not their fault? What will make them grasp the fact that they did not in any way fail? Do they know that the body remembers and registers all we say, do, think and feel?
Too many questions that I don’t have clear answers to. What I know, from the work of Louise Hay (You can heal Your Life), Candace Pert (Molecules of Emotion) and Caroline Myss (Anatomy of the Spirit) and also my own journey, is that continuous modes of thinking and speaking produce body behaviours and postures and “eases” and diseases. The person who has a permanently scowling face did not produce that by having joyous, happy thoughts. Every cell within our body responds to every thought we think and every word we speak. The body is always talking to us, if only we pause and take the time to listen.
Stop for a moment and catch your thought. What are you thinking right now? If thoughts shape your life and experiences, would you want this thought to become true for you? If it’s a thought of worry, anger, hurt, or revenge, how do you think that this thought will come back for you? Whatever we send out mentally or verbally will come back to us in like form. If we want a joyous life, we must think joyous thoughts.
Take a little time to listen to the words you say. If you hear yourself saying something three times, write it down. It has become a pattern for you. At the end of a week, look at the list you’ve made and you’ll see how your words fit your experiences. Be willing to change your words and thoughts and watch your life change. The way to control your life is to control your choice of words and
thoughts. No one thinks in your mind but you. Stop for a moment and catch your thought. What are you thinking right now?
Before we treat the flesh, we must acknowledge the greater wound, the one to the spirit.
- Abraham Varghese in his book Covenant of Water
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