I am basking in the glow of the deep coaching experience by Leon VanderPol. The Association of Coaches had invited his last Thursday for a 1.5 hour session. He spent 15 minutes briefly explaining the difference between transactional coaching and deep transformational coaching, and the 9 practices that support deep coaching, each laying a foundation for the one that follows.
Slow it all down and sync with the rhythm of life and spirit
Release your agendas; Live your spiritual values
Nurture a healing space
Let there be silence
Coach more from the heart, less from the head
Attune to your client’s deeper sense of Self and let that lead
Expand your capacity to be with pain and allow healing moments
Foster the emergence of what wants to happen
Cultivate trust in the mystery and magic of transformation
And then he dived straight into the demonstration.
He asked for volunteers and wrote down their names in little chits of paper. He put these chits into a bag and then randomly pulled out a chit to identify the person with whom he would do the demonstration. When he explained this in the planning call we had with him, I thought this would be a time-consuming process. But it went off seamlessly. Obviously!
Then, he requested everyone to put off their videos. We asked why and he explained. When there is eye contact there is a need to talk – to respond (for the coachee) or to paraphrase the question (for the coach). And when we talk, we are not thinking. We are not delving into the recesses of our mind, the dark spaces in our mind. The silence helps to pause and look within and find the uncomfortable answers to the questions asked by the coach. And should the coachee have an emotional breakdown, then they don’t have to deal with other pairs of eyes watching them.
So the demonstration adhered to all the practices enumerated above. The one that stood out for me was – Let there be silence. And in that silence, I could feel the coachee find their answers. After about 45 min, he stopped the demonstration. The coachee had some clarity of the problem which was no longer a dilemma!
Coaching is a process where the coach asks probing questions to help the person being coached (coachee for want of a better word) find their answers. Coaching is not consulting. Coaching is not Counselling. Coaching is not Therapy. I find it surprising when people demand for a relationship coach or a performance coach or a parenting coach. As a coach I have developed the following skills
· To be in the present moment and give undivided attention to the session
· Listen carefully and paraphrase to understand the intent and emotion along with the content
· Ask powerful open-ended questions to encourage people to express themselves and provide more detailed answers
· Give supportive and constructive feedback on what I am observing taking into consideration the intended goal
· Apply “tough love” when necessary
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